(no subject)

I was just reading some childbirthing stuff and started thinking back to my two births. Rhiannon was much closer to how I wanted things to be. No drugs, no meddling, very very few check ups from the nurses. They just left me alone in the tub to labor. With Isadora however, I got there too soon, there were fewer people giving birth so they had more time to annoy me, my last hour or so was not going as well and then I made the mistake of putting on Kate Bush and Running Up the Hill so I was crying hysterically. Then when my water broke there was meconium staining and they immediately took Isadora away, I didn't even touch her, rammed tubes down her nose into her lungs and sucked them out. Horrible. It seemed like forever before I got to hold her and what a horribly violent way to come into the earth. I feel so guilty over it. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'll give birth alone in the woods with a dull knife before I go back into a hospital. Hospitals are for sick people and women in labor are not sick! I hate the fear that women have been taught. Arg! They have turned the natural process of giving birth into this terrifying experience. Now I'm angry. Time to go cuddle Isadora and calm down.