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Apr. 8th, 2001 01:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
danuvI tried to go to sleep already but as hard as I tried I couldn't drift off. My mind kept ruminating over thoughts of friendship and love. There have been people who've passed through my life, been given a piece of my soul and then abandoned my friendship.... recently even. I've tried not to let it make me hard and now I wish I had. I'm so tired of hurting and feeling alone. Why is it so hard to find people who understand you in this world and why is so hard to maintain a good relationship with the few that you do find? I just feel so abandoned. Will there never be someone who sees all of who I am and still wants me in their life? Still wants all of me? I am tired of feeling like a burden to those people who care about me. I am tired of feeling needy. I am tired of needing. I am just so fucking tired... and I can't sleep.
Yeah, I felt myself getting depressed last week. Must be the moon. Sorry. I took Tylenol PM for the first time in a couple of years. Soon I should be drifting off. It's probably good that I don't have anything stronger. If I didn't have children to care for I would probably crawl into bed with a few books and stay there for a week or so. Too bad I can't chalk it up to hormones. Nope this is just what I am like when my self loathing comes out to play... well no this is what I am like when I am trying not to let it come out to play. Vacillating between rage and depression destruction and despair. Fuck... can I please just implode now?
Yeah, I felt myself getting depressed last week. Must be the moon. Sorry. I took Tylenol PM for the first time in a couple of years. Soon I should be drifting off. It's probably good that I don't have anything stronger. If I didn't have children to care for I would probably crawl into bed with a few books and stay there for a week or so. Too bad I can't chalk it up to hormones. Nope this is just what I am like when my self loathing comes out to play... well no this is what I am like when I am trying not to let it come out to play. Vacillating between rage and depression destruction and despair. Fuck... can I please just implode now?
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You are not alone.
Date: 2001-04-07 10:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Recently the same thing has been happening to me emotionally for the exact same reasons.
I'm trying not to focus on it.
But every once in a while, boom, it hits.
Remember to focus on the wonderful parts of your life as often as possible while you go thru this... your family, your goals, shit that makes you happy regardless of other people.
Soon you'll be less stressed/angered over it, as your being realises that we can't control others, we live our lives, we *change*, and some people just can't comprehend or keep up with those changes.
Everyone that comes into your life comes in for a purpose. Whether a long one or a short one.
And it doesn'nt mean they won't come in again.
This too shall pass, deario :)