(no subject)

[danuv]

Just got back from the mall. Tomas had his 2600 meeting and I wandered through various stores. Going out has really been depressing me lately. I just want to vanish. Maybe I just need a good solitary weepy session so I can get some of this sadness out. I want big squishy headphones and some sort of portable music device so that I can slip away. Being around people makes me feel so much more alone. . . certainly not a unique emotion. People walk up and talk to me and I remind myself to put some kind of expression on my face and attempt to get rid of the empty look in my eyes. Look alive girl, look alive. Sometimes I can stand back and see myself interacting with people and I look like something out of a bad film... garish and overacting, too loud. I've overdone it. I've gone too far trying to seem ok and normal. Back off retreat.

*sigh* Life broke in and wrecked my train of thought.

I think I'll lie down now.