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Aug. 9th, 2001 05:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
danuvShipped a lot of the books off to their new owners today. Woohoo. Money... which I promptly spent on Mac lipstick and brushes. Bad me. Well, only 1/4 of it really.
I wish that I were either far more intelligent than I am or far less. Life sucks when you know you are stuck with mediocrity.
I dreamt about my old boyfriend again last night. That always creeps me out. During the brief time I was seeing a counselor I had decided that dreaming about him was in some way related to having arguments with my father. Now I barely talk to him anymore and I still dream about Chris. Out of the blue he just shows up. They aren't nightmares... just weird. I haven't even seen him in years and he is living in another state. He was my first love... in fact I have a journal where my mom wrote that I told her I was going to marry him... I was 6. We dated for a few months when I was in high school. It didn't go well. I think I expected all the pieces to fall into place and to live happily ever after. What could survive those kind of expectations. Happy ever after endings are never expected... they just happen. Or maybe it was like a line I read in that cheesy Gone With the Wind sequel... Scarlet says something about being more in love with the habit of being in love than actually being in love. Who knows. I was 16. Who knows much when they are 16. Hell who knows much when they are 27? When do I start to know anything?
I wish that I were either far more intelligent than I am or far less. Life sucks when you know you are stuck with mediocrity.
I dreamt about my old boyfriend again last night. That always creeps me out. During the brief time I was seeing a counselor I had decided that dreaming about him was in some way related to having arguments with my father. Now I barely talk to him anymore and I still dream about Chris. Out of the blue he just shows up. They aren't nightmares... just weird. I haven't even seen him in years and he is living in another state. He was my first love... in fact I have a journal where my mom wrote that I told her I was going to marry him... I was 6. We dated for a few months when I was in high school. It didn't go well. I think I expected all the pieces to fall into place and to live happily ever after. What could survive those kind of expectations. Happy ever after endings are never expected... they just happen. Or maybe it was like a line I read in that cheesy Gone With the Wind sequel... Scarlet says something about being more in love with the habit of being in love than actually being in love. Who knows. I was 16. Who knows much when they are 16. Hell who knows much when they are 27? When do I start to know anything?
